Meiri Wainwright and the Warlocks Rock
Boarpimples Collegium Conspectus
This conspectus was presented to all new student’s at Boarpimple’s Academy for Arcane Adventurers upon arrival at the campus:
Boarpimple’s Collegium Conspectus
As the time of the Ritual of Choosing is nigh upon us, I’ve prepared for each of you the following missive regarding the Majori and Minori Collegiae of Boarpimple’s Academy for Arcane Adventurers. As victims of the terrible circumstances surrounding our arrival, I am well aware that you were likely unable to meet with representatives from and/or research each College to your satisfaction. I hope that this guide will provide some helpful information in light of our inability to postpone the Ritual of Choosing for any reason (celestial alignments are a fickle mistress that way).
I’ll first begin with some basic information. The status of each individual College has ebbed and flowed with the times, with some few vanishing into history only to rise again when a stalwart group of adventurers takes up their mantle and brings them back to the fore. Thus, the following information is subject to change but is current as of this writing. As should be obvious, Collegiae Majori are those currently in highest standing, while Minori are of lower status. All Colleges remain firmly in consideration for the Arcana Cup (with the exception of Collegium Divinus, who concedes their spot in the contention each year for religious reasons), as that distinction can be won by any party who rises to the occasion each year – regardless of college.
Each Collegiae is presided over by a Prelate, who may or may not be a member of the faculty, but is always a graduate of the Academy. When a College is without a Prelate, one from another college may pull double-duty in extreme cases. The Prelate is ultimately answerable for the conduct and questing of their individual college, but may cede these responsibilities to delegates if staffing allows.
The following Colleges are considered Collegiae Majori:
Collegium Vis: Though constantly in probationary status for various accidents and explosions, Vis nonetheless turns out a bumper crop of the most potently-destructive Wizards in the world. Vis students are primarily wizards and their retainers, but the college is open to anyone of a destructive bent – particularly those with arcane leanings. The Collegium’s symbol is the whirling Orb of Chaos and their motto is the goblin phrase “Yip! Yip! Yip! Ko dang!” (translated "Heh! Heh! Heh! Boom!). Alasdiar the Destructive is the current Prelate Vis.
Collegium Divinus: An oddity among the Collegiae in that it draws few arcane students and remains aloof from the Arcane Cup competition, Divinus is the eminent leader in religious and divine studies in the world. Visited by Clerics and religious leaders of all faiths and divine persuasions, it is all the odder that Divinus doesn’t implode in schism each semester. Divinus is also the keeper of Boarpimple’s rules and regulations, and has extended that role into a central repository for the reading and study of law in all forms. Their symbol is blank copper disk on an elaborate platinum chain and their motto is “Divine right, divine responsibility.” Cole Eskic, Legate of Bahamut, is the current Prelate Divinus.
Collegium Naturae: Boasting alumni among several prominent druidic circles, Naturae is the foremost home of biologist, naturalists, and channelers of primal power. Their dormitory complex hosts lavish, ever-changing gardens that flourish in the sunless belly of Boarpimple’s Academy. Their motto is the elven phrase “Glorantha feoraman escello.” (translated “Glory to the world at hand!” and their symbol is a wreath of ever-blooming flowers and plants. Archdruid Rainwall is the current Prelate Divinus.
Collegium Vulturnus: As unyielding and unforgiving as the death they study, Vulturnus nonetheless turns our nearly as many doctors and chirurgeons as they do necromancers. Though their methods are questionable, their dedication to knowledge and their own peculiar brand of heroism is beyond reproach. Their symbol is the founder’s, the Necromancer Vulturnus,undying vulture familiar, often depicted with a severed eye in his beak, and their motto is “Mastery over death, regardless of cost.” Faolan Blackviper, Draconius Maleficus XII, is the current Prelate Vulturnus, though rumors persist that Vulturnus himself does most of the actual presiding.
The next two colleges are classified as Collegium Minori:
Collegium Argentum: Founded by Argentum the Bard, a companion of Thaddeus Boarpimple, at the school’s inception. Argentum favors the same cosmopolitan attitudes of its’ founder. Their star has risen and fallen more than any other college, as few of their alumni have interest in maintaining the eminence of the house (instead moving on to larger heroics or other vocations). Their symbol is the coiled silver dragon and their motto is the primordial phrase “K’ess’shi’rah!” (translated “Whatever works.”). Alaric the Bold lost a bet with fellow Argentum alumni and is currently serving a five-year stint as Prelate Argentum.
Collegium Inferni: The surprisingly-tolerant home of those that barter with otherworldly entities in exchange for powers arcane and incomprehensible, Inferni draws an unexpected number of artists, musicians, and revelers to their banner. Inferni is also home to the Boarpimple’s Ambassadors program, where students travel the world on behalf of the school to make sure that new students are put through their paces before even arriving at the Academy. Their motto is “Until the end!” and their symbol is the phoenix rising against a black background. Warto Deathdealer (the first Bullywug to graduate the Academy) is the current Prelate Inferni.
The remaining colleges are currently unattended and/or without prelates, but are listed for historical reference (and in case anyone is interested in tempting destiny):
Collegium Tacticus: Boarpimple’s only all-martial college.
Collegium Shadis: The only college to be completely exterminated by faculty. Shadis fell to assassination as a means to win the Arcane Cup and were exterminated to a man in retribution for the death of the current Prelate Divinus.
Collegium Obscurae: The only college to ever completely disappear – buildings and all.
Collegium Bodger: A short-lived college founded by goblin engineers that sought a means to replace magic with machinery. The college broke with Boarpimple’s to form Bostwick Bodger’s Academy of Machina and Mechnology and Magics Minori (BBAMMMM!), but remains on record as an eligible option.
Collegium Footnotus: A college founded at the academy’s inception by a relatively unknown henchman of the smith that crafted Thaddeus Boarpimple’s Greataxe of Sorcerous Supremacy. The name of the smith, the henchman, and the college itself are lost in time, so the college has become a sort of traditional slur against those that don’t fit in very well (note that the name itself is a placeholder and that the college may also be referred to as “Collegium Wossname” “Collegium Idunno” and “Collegium Dorkus Maximus”).
As an alumni myself, and one who rotated from college to college each year as part of my studies, I can say that there really is no such thing as a bad choice. If you find yourself completely unable to arrive at a decision, you always retain the option not to influence the Ritual of Choosing with your wishes and allowing fate to decide for you. I hope you’ve found this missive of assistance and that you enjoy your time at Boarpimple’s Academy for Arcane Adventurers.
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